I died that day
by Backlite
Summary: Kakashi loved Iruka but was too afraid to admit it. Now Iruka is dead and he will never have the chance. Deathfic. Unfulfilled KakaIru. Suggestion of rape. Oneshot.


Bad mood. Bored. Deathfic. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **in too bad a mood to make an effort, sorry.

**Warning: **Iruka is dead, Kakashi is depressed. If you have a problem with that, don't read it. Unfulfilled KakaIru.

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Hatake Kakashi was sitting curled up on the window sill of his room reading, or at least pretending to, when he was rudely interrupted by a very unwelcome, green spandex wearing ninja. "Kakashi, my eternal rival! Come down from there, I challenge you!"

Kakashi sighed. "Sorry Gai, not today." The truth was he wasn't reading at all. His mind was far away, centered on a long dead friend.

"Come now Kakashi, it will do you good to get some fresh air and exercise instead of sitting around reading those perverted books of yours. I'm not going to leave until you come down and take my challenge!"

The silver-haired jounin had had enough. "Fine, if you won't leave, I will." He jumped down from the window, landing silently beside Gai. Before the man could react the copy-nin vanished in a puff of smoke.

Gai scratched his head. "One wonders what has gotten into that man lately." He shrugged it off and went in search of his students. Maybe they could get in some extra practice before the day was done.

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Kakashi reappeared near the forest and started walking without paying attention. He let his mind wander, and after a moment of imagining what he would like to do to Gai for the interruption he found himself drifting back to his previous train of thought.

He smiled under his mask at the happy memories he had of a certain man. The chunin who had captured his heart.

_Flashback_

_Kakashi was helping out with one of Umino Iruka's classes as punishment for a prank pulled on the Hokage Tsunade herself. They were down at the lake for a swim and mostly he was trying to stay out of the way of the little horrors. It wasn't as if Iruka really needed his help. He seemed to be doing fine on his own._

_He was caught by surprise when Iruka called the children out of the lake. "Come on up here now, I have a mission for you all."_

_A mission? Now what was all this about. Kakashi wasn't so sure that he liked the devious glint in Iruka's eye when the man looked at him._

"_Now children, how many of you do you think it would take to get Kakashi-sensei into the water?"_

_Uh-oh…not good. Kakashi turned to run, but before he could move he was tackled by a mob of youngsters. Not wanting to hurt them there was not much he could do to fight them off. _

_Yelling and laughing it took them almost five minutes to get the struggling jounin into the lake, but they finally succeeded._

_Iruka stood on the bank watching, head thrown back in full out laughter. He looked so beautiful just then…_

End flashback 

Kakashi had to fight back tears that threatened to spill over. That was the first time he had realized his attraction to Umino Iruka. He had been too afraid to approach the man with his feelings. And he had missed his chance.

It was too late now. Far too late.

_Flashback_

_Iruka had been two days late coming back from his last mission. No one was overly worried, many shinobi came back late from higher ranked missions. But Kakashi couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong._

_Iruka was fast, competent. This wasn't the first time he was late to report, but it was the longest he had ever been away._

_By the forth day the others were starting to worry, and Kakashi was frantic. Something had happened to Iruka. Something had happened and Kakashi hadn't even been able to say good-by. Hadn't even told him his feelings…_

_He approached the Hokage with a request to go after the chunin personally. He didn't tell his reasons, but Tsunade picked up on the hint of desperation in his voice and let him go without dispute._

_He tracked the chunin's fading scent for nearly three days. By now Iruka had been gone for an entire week. He was either dead or somehow imprisoned._

_Desperately Kakashi hoped that it was the latter._

_The trail finally led him to a rundown building occupied by missing-nin. He scouted the place, looking for traces of Iruka and a way in. Every day since then he had cursed himself for taking so much time with precautions. If he had gone in as soon as he arrived then maybe…_

_He heard a scream, echoing out of the crumbling, stone walls. It was a voice he knew, very well. _Iruka…

_Without taking the time to think he raced into the building, taking out guards swiftly. Whatever they were doing to Iruka was hurting him. The pure agony in that scream and the ones that followed cut into Kakashi's heart, sending him into a killing rage._

_He reached the room where the shrieks were emanating from and stopped dead._

_There was Iruka, back bent over a table, cloths and body torn. There were several men standing around him, also lacking important bits of clothing. There was blood everywhere._

_Iruka moaned and Kakashi saw red. With a cry of pure rage and grief the silver-haired jounin threw himself at the missing-nin. The fight was over in seconds._

_Kakashi ran to Iruka's side. The chunin slid to the floor coughing up blood. The jounin caught him and eased him gently to the floor. "Hang on Iruka, it's going to be ok."_

_Chocolate eyes opened to stare into his own. "Ka-ka-shi?"_

"_Yes, I'm here, it's going to be ok. You're going to be ok."_

_But they both knew it wasn't true. "Kakashi…there's something I need to tell you…before…"_

_Kakashi almost sobbed. "Yes?"_

"_Kakashi…I love you."_

_Kakashi stared. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. All this time he had been afraid to confront the man and Iruka had been attracted to _him_? He had to tell him the truth. He opened his mouth to tell Umino Iruka that all important secret…_

_And Iruka's eyes closed for the last time. "NO! Iruka you have to listen!"_

_But it was too late. Always too late. Iruka was gone, and he would never know that he had been loved by one silver-haired jounin._

_All that time wasted, and Iruka died without knowing he was loved._

End flashback 

Kakashi stopped, tears now streaming from his eyes and soaking his mask. His feet had taken him down a well-known path, strait to the memorial for shinobi killed in action.

He reached out a shaking hand to brush over one of the names engraved there. Quietly he whispered to the stone, only hoping the dead could hear him.

"I love you Umino Iruka, and with you I died that day."

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Hope you liked it. Please review.


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